im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
