I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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