Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
