He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
