I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
