i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
