Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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