My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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