That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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