Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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