I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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