he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
