My hand turned me down
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
