there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
