The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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