Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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