in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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