I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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