so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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