that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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