We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
