There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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