Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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