That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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