yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
