just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
