Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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