he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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