So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
