remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize