Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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