Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
