angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize