It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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