i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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