I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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