white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
