Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
