It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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