I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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