Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
