the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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