If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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