Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize