Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
