it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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