Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
No subtext here. People are naked.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
