Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
