Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize