I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
