There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
