Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
