You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
