I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
