so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
