Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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