Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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