I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She needs sedatives and a leash
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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