I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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