Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
