So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
