so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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