Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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