I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
